we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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