Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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