I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
