I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
