This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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