i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
