Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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