You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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