I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
