i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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