dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We left the knife in your bed.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
