my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
She needs sedatives and a leash
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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