Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Randomize
