can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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