I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
