How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
