the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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