i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
