Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
