I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
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The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
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You cant use biscuit as a chaser
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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