my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
We were destined to go to rehab together
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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