i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
