You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
