her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
