I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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