My sheets look like a crime scene.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
