omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
