you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
