I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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