im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
