my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
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