Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
