Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
