I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
