she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
