I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize
