I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
you made out with another girl for some wings
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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