you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
