he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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