upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
