He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
