She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
