I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
