hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
