Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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