i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
