considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
