We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Randomize