I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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