Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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