so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
