"it" just moved
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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