They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
