he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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