I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
