so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
