turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
