You made me cry and you don't even care
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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