In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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