is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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