I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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