we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
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dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
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is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
It can also be a hat.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?