When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
come find me please
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.