I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart