I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.