3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
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I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
19 Transgender People Reveal The First Sign That They Were Trans
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal