Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
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his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
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cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married