Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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