I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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