I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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